


lay your armor down

by seemeeimbeebee



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, With a Happy Ending Though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 14:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9610829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seemeeimbeebee/pseuds/seemeeimbeebee
Summary: An nightmare and subsequent panic attack brings Emma’s fears and lack of self-worth kicking and screaming to the surface. Luckily, she’s got a smoldering pirate that loves her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Oneshot title taken from “Don’t Wait” by Dashboard Confessional. Originally posted to my Tumblr.

“I’m always gonna fail you, I’m always gonna let everyone down, I’m not enough! I’m never going to be enough!” Emma’s panicked babbling broke his heart. Killian’s eyes traveled over the tears that trailed down her cheeks, the way she curled into herself and how she struggled to breathe, no matter how hard she tried.  


“Love?” Killian asked gently. “I’d like to hold you. Will you let me?” She nodded frantically and Killian wasted no time in pulling her into his arms. He rubbed her back and made soft shushing noises, hoping he could calm her down, hoping he could get her to breathe.

It had started when she woke up, shrieking his name at the top of her lungs. He couldn’t quite control her trembling hands as they ran over Killian’s chest and she’d kissed him frantically, trying to reassure herself that he was here, that he was all right.  


When he had asked what she dreamed of, terror seized her and her breathing had picked up drastically.

Now, all he could was hold her and stop her quaking. “It’s all right,” he whispered into her hair. “It’s okay, love. You are enough for me, you know that? It’s all right, Emma. Everything’s all right. Everyone’s okay.”  

“‘m not,” she croaked out. Her gulps for air made him pull her tighter to him as he rubbed her back.  Killian waited for her to calm down a little bit more, as he rocked her back and forth. She linked their hands together and squeezed tightly. Killian kissed her temple gently as he squeezed it in return.

Once she was a little bit calmer, Killian probed softly, “You aren’t what?” He gently rubbed his stump along her back, still quietly coaxing her to breathe. She nuzzled into him, still squeezing his hand tightly. He felt her clenched jaw against his cheek and he continued to hold her.

“Okay,” Emma said in a small voice.  


“Do you want to talk to me about it?” Killian asked gently. She shook her head. “Okay. You can tell me when you’re ready.” He ran her thumb over her hand, trying to help calm her down. “Can I ask you something?” He felt the grimace against his neck, and then the nod. “You said that you were always going to fail me. You know that I have yet to see you fail?” 

She shook her head against him. 

He looked down at her, gently pressing their foreheads together. “When did you think you failed me, love?” Killian murmured, kissing her temple.  


“Camelot. Underworld,” Emma mumbled, not looking up at him. “Should’ve been me that died. Not you.” 

“Is that what has you so upset?” Killian murmured, heartbroken. “Do you really think that you deserved to perish in my place?” She nodded against his shoulder. He felt a lump form in his throat and he held her more tightly to him, as if he she was going to fly out of his grip. “Gods, Emma, love...” he sniffled. “Do you know how much it would break me if you had been the one to die? Do you... _Emma_.” His voice cracked on her name, desperate for her to know just how much he loved her, how important she was to him.

“I let you down by letting you die. By not being fast enough to stop Nimue. I put my whole family in danger. And then I couldn’t save you _again_ ,” Emma sniffled, tears running down her cheeks. “You would’ve figured it out. You would’ve saved me. You wouldn’t have let Robin Hood die. You would’ve saved everyone and not failed everyone like I did.”  


“Love, you don’t know that, and it breaks my heart to know that you carry such burdens,” he whispered, pressing their foreheads together so that he could look into her eyes. “For all we know, you could’ve been trapped there, by Hades still, and I would’ve lost you. I would’ve lost myself. And you didn’t fail a single soul. And if you don’t believe me, I’ll wake up the lad right now and ask him. I’ll call your parents, the Evil Queen, anyone that you’d listen to over me. You haven’t failed. Just the road to get there was a lot more challenging than we ever could have expected.”  


He cupped her cheek, his thumb trying to brush away the tears that fell faster and faster. It was only when her hand cupped his cheek that he even realized that he was crying too.

“Do you really think yourself so unworthy of life and love, Emma?” he asked her. 

Emma shrugged. “Kind of?” she mumbled. “It’s not that...I think I should die. I just...I feel like...I’m not doing enough to deserve all this...this happiness. I’ve never been happy like this before. And I’m fighting like tooth and nail to keep it, but I...I keep losing all these battles. What if it all falls away from me? What if I lose you? Lose Henry? Lose my family? Because I wasn’t strong enough to hold onto it?” Her chest stuttered as she started to get worked up again.

“You are the strongest person I know,” Killian promised her, his own breath coming out in weepy puffs. “But trust me when I say that you don’t have to fight alone anymore. Lay your burdens down with me. And I swear to you that we will be more than strong enough together.” He kissed her gently and stroked her hair. “There is not a soul more deserving than you for happiness.”  


“You’re a pretty strong contender there, pirate,” Emma sniffled, the corners of her lips quirking upward in an attempt at a brave smile. “I’m sorry that I burdened you with all this.”  


“Hey, hey, hey,” he whispered. “Hey. Your feelings are not a burden. Never to me, all right? I will be here, any time of day or night to soothe these fears away.” Killian kissed her forehead. “I will always be here for you.”   


Emma kissed his lips gently and let her body unfurl. “Thank you,” she said gently, squeezing his hand. “I love you so much. And I’m going to be okay. It’s just...a lot to hold onto.”

“Aye,” Killian murmured, resting his head on top of hers. “And together we’ll let it go.” 


End file.
